This week I’m doing something a little bit different, I’ve invited my husband along to talk about what it is like to be married to me 😮 well actually what it is like to be married to a course creator, goal getter, dream chaser (which also happens to be me!).
Tim and I have been married for 10 years but what makes him a bit unique in terms of a partner on my dream building journey is the fact that he has in fact chased (and achieved) his own dreams.
Tim was part of the Sydney Olympics Dream Team that won gold 🥇 in the Coxless Four with Steve Redgrave, James Cracknell and Matthew Pinsent. He knows a little bit about what it is like to chase your dreams and so I thought it would be fun to ask him what it is like to be a passenger on the ‘Joy Dream Train.’
So what does Tim think about being married to a dream chaser?
Tim’s top tip is that you have to give dream chasers space, some leeway to do what they want to do. Dream chasers are busy and they are doing things that don’t always immediately bare fruit. You have to be there to pick up the pieces sometimes but part of the reward is to actually see someone actually chase their dreams and achieve things, fulfill their own ambitions.
📹 In the podcast/videocast, we talk about the different phases of our marriage and how it has impacted my dream chasing. For example, when I was an early stage entrepreneur, Tim’s main help was providing the family income so that I could build up the first business.
In the second phase it became a bit more difficult as Tim’s job ended and he decided to get an Executive MBA. We moved to England and I ended up having to get a job to support the family financially while at the same time trying to build up my business on the side. In this phase, Tim’s support was less financial but much more hands on involvement of the everyday running of the household.
One of the biggest lessons we learned in our partnership – was that not one person should be doing everything in the household When that happens, it means that the other person is not. 😡 That is when resentment sets in. We now have a pretty good balance of who does what, but that took time to work out. We are now more or less equal in what we do to contribute to the house, but have different roles.
Tim’s roles: majority of cooking 👨🍳 and clothes washing, food shopping 🛒
Joy’s roles: fills up petrol in the car 🚗 most of the time, helps with some cooking 👩🍳, primarily does the washing up 🍽️, organises playdates and holiday camps for kids
We both: School run, spend time with the children
We also discussed goals.
If you’ve been following me for a while, you’ll know that I have 3 primary goals in my life: To stay married, to know my children and to build a successful business. On my 36th birthday, I added a 4th goal which was to go and do an Ironman. In the video, we talk about the impact that had on our lives.
Tim talks about the differences in the ways that we set goals. He makes a valid point that I’m the kind of person who will announce a goal before I know all the elements that go into making it happen whereas he will sit down and think everything through before he goes for something.
We had a discussion around setting 2-3 goals that you can push at the same time and still be successful at all of them but that if you try and do more than that at the same time, you risk not doing any of them well. The trick is to try and figure out how to make the different goals work together.
Tim’s parting advice when it comes to partners who are chasing their dreams….
👉 It will be easier if you aren’t both aren’t competing for the same space. For example, we are not both chasing dreams right now and neither of us thinks that one or the other of us is more important.
👉 Neither of us are stuck into a role or a job or responsibility that we don’t want to do. In many cases, women can be stuck in a classic domestic role and men can be stuck in a need-to-make-money role. We are lucky as this is currently changing in society but we have worked hard to change it in our own relationship.
👉 When you do get the opportunity to realise a dream you have been chasing, there are no words to describe it. No one has it easy, but when things get tough, visualising what success looks like will help you get through it. There are times you doubt if it is worth it but in no way could he have imagined what it was like. He dreamt of winning the Olympics to being a big thing and it was but at the end of the day he is more proud of being the best that he could be.
My final advice?
👉 At the end of the day, whether you succeed or fail, one of the goals should be to enjoy the journey.
👉Learn how to get your partner on board with what you are trying to accomplish. Don’t ask for permission, but ask for support. Have the tough conversations!
We hope this is helpful! If you have questions for Tim, drop them in our social media and we’ll pass them along to him and get back to you with an answer.